This post has been stewing around in my head for some time and I wanted to share it. And, in light of it being Mother's Day yesterday, I thought I'd share.
What makes a Mother?
I haven't carried a child for nine months. I haven't birthed a baby. I haven't fed, clothed, or tended to a newborn. I haven't ever heard the sweet sound of "mama" called to me. But I do love two little boys like they are my own. I love them in a way I didn't know existed.
My life changed completely on July 1 (the day Kevin and I went on our first date!) and July 5, 2011 (the day I met the boys) (I do have a penchant for remembering dates!). It changed quickly and dramatically, but it seems like it has always been this way. I don't think there have been many adjustments for our sweet family of four, and I know that it's because God had been working and preparing us all for each other.
I've always prayed that God would prepare me to be a mother. Being a wife and a mother are the two deepest desires I've ever had for my life and those two desires are what everything in my life is centered around. Sticking to the mother bit, in my prayers I prayed that he would help me to know what to do, bless my children, and teach me the things I needed to know to lead them to Him. I didn't know that becoming a mother would happen the way it has happened to me. You see, I thought that I would go through pregnancy, birth, and all of that to become a mother. I didn't ever dream that I'd mother two precious boys when they were two and three.
Sometimes I catch myself saying or doing something and I'll say to KT, "I thought I'd have a few years to learn what to do about this." But I haven't. And that's ok. It's ok because I know that had I been the one that birthed them, I wouldn't do anything differently or feel any way differently. I know this because I know the depth of love, care, and concern that I have for these boys.
One day a few months ago, KT made the comment that he thought that as the boys grow up there will be a time when they won't remember me not being there. That thought makes me happy. I want them to know and I pray that I show them everyday just how much they are loved by me.
Very shortly after Kevin and I started dating, our two person party turned into a family of four and I don't think it could have been any better. Very quickly, we morphed into a family. It certainly wasn't forced and just came naturally. What started out as two people who fell quickly for each other turned into two people who easily "did life" together. Love. That's a miracle in itself to me.
I may be naive, but I think the boys and I have formed a bond that's close and lovely. I think they know I love them, and I know they love me, and I think they know I'm always here for them. Along with Kevin, I want to be their biggest supporter and encourager.
All I want to say is that I
think know that motherhood is one of the greatest gifts in this world. It has changed me completely. KT and our family come first in my life. At the end of the day, all I care about is him, us, and our boys and making our family the best it can be. We've made so many memories and have so many more to make.
Did I think I'd be thinking of myself as a mother of a three-and-four-year old last May? No, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Being a mother is so much more than birthing, and in my heart, I'm one.
This weekend, I got to celebrate my first Mother's Day. It was the sweetest thing! KT gave me the sweetest card that makes tears come to my eyes and the boys colored some beautiful things on it. They also gave me two books and a dress I love. Hearing them say "Happy Mother's Day Anna Belle!" was the sweetest thing. I'm so blessed to be their Anna Belle!