On My Heart: Boys

This has been on my heart so much recently and I wanted to blog about it.

I've always heard that children change your life and your perspective on things.  I always believed it, too, but it wasn't until K.C. and Kaden that I experienced it.

Lately, I've been thinking so much about the boys and the responsibilities that we have as parents raising them.  I want them to look back on their years growing up as happy, joyful, and full of love and fun.  I want to make memories with them, instill values in them, and show them unconditional love.  I want to point them to our Savior every day.

I'm not a worrier by nature.  I'm really more of a thinker.  I think about things.  I think about what we can do to help them, nurture them, and support them.  I've recently been thinking about their needs, all of them: spiritual, emotional, physical, educational.  You name it and I've thought it.  And I think these thoughts have been amplified with the realization that they're both in school.  Granted, this is K.C.'s third year in school if you count 3K and 4K, but this year, it's the real deal as in kindergarten.

With them both in school, I think about things like them making friends, listening to and being disciplined by someone other than us, learning concepts (or being frustrated if something doesn't click), playing at recess, eating their lunch (I am really worried about this!), fitting in with their classmates, and being safe while they're away from us.  I know I'm not the first person who has had these thoughts and I certainly won't be the last.  I'm just amazed at how many things I think of.

I also think about their emotional needs.  While they are very similar in the things they like to do and play, they have distinctly different personalities.  I see those personalities evolving, too.  I see the way they show and want to receive love.  If you want to talk love languages, Kaden is definitely a physical touch/quality time person like Kevin and me, while K.C.'s primary love language is gifts.  Kaden likes to be held, cuddled, and loved on.  K.C. likes these things, too, but he likes gifts and treats.  This week, as I've been packing his lunch box, I've been putting in a treat.  Even though he probably thinks nothing of his gummies or M&M's, I want to show him love (and what better treat for a sweet toothed 5 year old at school than some candy!).

Physically speaking, they obviously have a house, clothes, and all the other basic things they need.  I try my best to cook nutritious foods and Kevin and I encourage them to be active.  He coaches their soccer team, they see me run, and we play all the time.  I do worry about them eating at school though.  I was making their lunches last night and almost felt like crying because they aren't really eating much.  It makes my heart hurt thinking that they might be hungry sitting at school.  KT and I talked about it and today, we went with the less is more food philosophy.  They each got half a sandwich, carrots and olives (they love them), and a chocolate granola bar.  I know it's probably crazy that I worry about this, but I want them to have a good, nutritious lunch and be full of energy.

Lastly, but most importantly, I think about their spiritual needs.  We say our prayers with them each night, go to church, and read Bible stories.  But then I think about their salvation.  What else is there that we need to be doing?  Above all the success I want them to have, I care most about this.  I want them to have a heart for Jesus.  I want them to trust in His saving grace. I want them to want to serve Him with their lives and serve others because what He did for them.  I want them to see Jesus in Kevin and me and our lives.  Kevin is a great role model for them for what a husband and father is to be.  I want them to see and know this just as Kevin sees and knows this from his dad.  I want them to have a thirst for knowing the Lord.  I want to instill this in them so early.

As I've been thinking about all these things, I realized yesterday that I know the answer.  Instead of thinking about all of this and trying to figure out what I need to do to be the best I can be for them, I need to pray and let it go.  I feel extremely convicted about this.  I pray for Kevin, the boys, and our family every day, but I need to let it go after I pray.  I pray that God will give us the wisdom and guidance we need to raise them.  I  pray that their little hearts will want to know Jesus.  I pray that the children they become friends with will be ones that will be good influences for them.  I pray that they always know and feel my love.  I pray that God will continue to shape me to be the mother that I need to be.  I pray that I will always act and react in love, gentleness, and kindness.  I pray that they will be obedient and that we will know the right ways to talk with and discipline them.  I pray that we will lead them, guide them, and give them all that they need.

My answer was simple.  God has taken care of me for so long.  He's met all of my needs.  He's blessed me with the most precious gifts in the world (and their amazing daddy) and He's equipped me to be all that He wants me to be.  He has the answers, the guidance, and the wisdom.  I just need to remember to talk to Him about it all.